God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater by Kurt Vonnegut

I'm almost out of books by Vonnegut to read, and that makes me sad. Now, however, is not a time for sadness but a time to talk about this very entertaining book I just finished reading.
There are a few Mr. Rosewaters in this book, the first of which being Lister Ames Rosewater, a senator from Indiana who founded the Rosewater Foundation to aid his descendants and himself in not having to pay taxes on the family estate since it is a non profit organization. The foundation has millions upon millions of dollars that multiply thanks to investments made by the large New York City law firm that runs the foundation. The foundation also pays a $3.5 million a year pension to Lister's son Eliot.
Eliot Rosewater is thought by many to be insane, because he actually wants to help people, despite never having to lift a finger for the rest of his life. He opens an office and takes calls from people 24 hours a day who need help. Sometimes the callers just need someone to talk to, sometimes they need a little money, sometimes they need legal advice or how to get something done, like receiving VA benefits, etc. Eliot takes all their calls, 24/7. This takes place in Rosewater County, Indiana.
Meanwhile on the other side of the country, in Rhode Island to be exact, a distant cousin of Eliot's, who at first does not even know they are related, sells insurance and has a largely miserable life. A lawyer, Norman Mushari, finds that the loophole in the charter of the foundation is if the next in line to be chair of the foundation is found mentally incompetent, control will go to the next in line and Norman will collect a large sum of money for his help in the situation. It's not too hard to think that Eliot is crazy and many people do. I don't want to give any more of the story away so you're just going to have to read the book, and it is 220 pages well read. A great story, a great ending.

After Earth

I'm the kind of movie watcher who can be completely sold on watching a movie just from watching a trailer. I'm also someone who grew up in the nineties. So of course I'm at least some measure of a Will Smith fan. I'm not going to rewatch Men in Black while listening to "Miami," but I liked him in Independence Day and I am Legend. Oh, and Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
So when I saw the preview for this movie I wanted to see it. The story has a good premise, that being that a thousand years into the future, Earth was evacuated to another planet in another solar system because all the pollution had all but destroyed the world. Will Smith's character is a general in the military aboard a spaceship bound for some futuristic world when the ship has a run in with an asteroid field and is damaged. The ship makes a crash landing and breaks apart in the process. This particular part is what I wish they hadn't put in the trailer because it's one of the best parts in the movie and if I hadn't seen it in the trailer I wouldn't have expected Will Smith to suddenly get sucked almost completely out of the ship when it broke apart and it would've scared the bajeezus out of me, being so sudden and unexpected.
So the general and his son are the only two survivors of the crash, except for a giant monster in a cage aboard the ship that can sense its enemies by smelling fear. Literally. So from there, there are a few "Oh, come on" moments and there are some "How the hell is that possible?" moments, but this isn't meant to be a realistic movie. To sum it up: Dad & son must find a way to survive the perils of a futuristic Earth uninhabited by humans, in which the climate fluctuates rapidly (the temperatures go from a comfortable temp during the day to below freezing at night, just about everywhere) and there are natural predators everywhere. Son must reach the other part of the ship 100km away to retrieve a distress beacon so they can get rescued.

******SPOILER ALERT******* IF YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING SPOILED, DON'T READ THE PARAGRAPH BELOW.
The rescue, once the beacon is found, happens UNBELIEVABLY FAST. I had a slight issue with this. And also, Will Smith's character by all laws of nature should've died before they were rescued, and I have a feeling the only reason he didn't die was so the story would have a happy ending. Keeping in mind this is a PG-13 movie, I guess I can live with it.
*******END SPOILERS*******

OK, so how is the movie? It's alright. Not great. Not terrible. Somewhere in between. I do feel like the current IMDB rating of 4.9/10 is on the low side, and there are a lot of 2/10 and 3/10 reviews on there that I feel like are unfair. So what's my rating? I'm giving this movie a 6/10. It's not terrible, and there are some good effects. Worth watching.

Moving...

I got fired today. We got a new store manager about two or three weeks ago and she was power tripping, as many new managers do. So what did I do to get fired?
Steal? No.
Being rude to a customer? No.
Making terrorist threats? Close, but no.

I didn't card a sixty year old woman who was buying beer.
Not sixteen, one six, no.
Sixty. Six zero.
Apparently, it's against company policy to sell alcohol to anyone without checking their ID first, even if the person is obviously old enough. I was not aware of this policy, and ridiculous though it may be, I got fired over it. So what does this mean for me?

I'm moving back to Birmingham. Why, you ask?
Well, ever since (and before) I moved to Dothan I've tried to find a decent job here. Last count I applied for over 200 jobs. Know how many interviews I went on? None, except Dollar General.
There just aren't that many jobs around here. I realize that this probably isn't really my fault, but I still feel like a failure. I just knew that we could make things work. We could make it through. Now it looks like to help out my girlfriend I'm going back to Birmingham where I'll have a much easier time finding a job. I'm hoping I'll be able to go back to the pizza joint I worked at before I moved down here.
As I said earlier, I feel like I have failed. I feel like a loser.
That's not going to stop me from doing my best to provide for myself and my girlfriend. Before I moved I worked two jobs totalling about 60 hours a week and would have no problem doing that again as long as I was making decent money. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you want, huh?
She's gonna stay here and finish the fall semester of school and should be joining me in Birmingham in December if all goes as planned... and I pray it does. I'm going back tomorrow and will start my job search immediately. I'll keep y'all updated.

And that...

is why you don't leave Blogger signed in on your girlfriend's computer. Still love ya baby.

Things you would be surprised to know about me

I thought I would take this opportunity to let you in on some things about me you would never believe if you happened to know me in real life. I'm not one for sharing things with those in my day to day life much so I'm seizing the moment to let the real me out even if just in cyberland. So here today are my secret pleasures and other bits of trivia bout me-your trusty blog host.

Favorite cover by an artist I like: Hhhmm, it would probably have to be "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright" as sung by Ke$ha. I know, I know, you're thinking that I'm joking. But first give it a listen. Ke$ha has called her performance on the song an 'emotional purging' and she taps a level of emotionality not usually seen in her more popular songs.

Favorite tv drama: This one's a toughie. I'm going to have to split this into a tie since one's been off the air a while, but the other is still being produced. My favorite oldie show is "Ally McBeal." There was a heart and humor to this show that most other shows just really seem to lack. My lovely girlfriend has seen every episode and has convinced me of its merit. Plus, they also manage to tackle such issues as gay marriage, women's rights, discrimination, etc. My other pick hands down would be "Pretty Little Liars." It gives a glimpse into the inner working of the complexities of the female mind, has shown some lesbian action, and features girls who dress like no girls I ever saw dress at my high school. Plus, I like how one of the girls reminds me of my lovely girlfriend and the ongoing suspense of who is 'A' keeps me tuning in week after week.....

Favorite sitcom: Gotta say "Friends." My girlfriend is a cross between Phoebe and Rachel while I consider myself to be a cross between Chandler and Joey. There's no day so bad that it can't be helped by a "Friends" rerun. It's even better if you eat ramen noodles while you watch (just a tip).

Favorite book: "Les Miserables" by Victor Hugo. Much better than the movie/musical and has much more depth.

Favorite song to listen to when alone in my car: "Starships" by Nicki Minaj. Her energy is infectious and her sound is very unique.

Favorite sweet snack: chocolate chip cookie dough. Straight. Out. Of. The. Package. Nuff said.

Favorite place to shop for things other than beer/alcohol: Target-second would be Publix.

Favorite musical: "Legally Blonde"-don't laugh til you've seen it. The music is incredibly catchy and it has a good story with some unexpected twists.

Favorite movie: "The Notebook" If you haven't seen it (and what guy hasn't-even if just for the woman in his life) you should. It's an incredible story of the love and devotion of a couple that overcame some obstacles to be together and how their love triumphed over adversity in the end.

Favorite beverage (other than beer): Mai Tai-just cause it's so fun to say. C'mon try it.....

Secret appearance trick: hemorrhoid cream. I'm totally serious. It's great for facial wrinkles and works wonders for making my muscles appear more defined. A must for when I haven't been to the gym for a couple of days. If you don't believe me just ask google. You can thank me later.

Favorite magazine: Reader's Digest since I like their jokes and the stories are so inspirational.

Favorite song: "Thrift shop" by Macklemore. Can't help it, besides who doesn't shop at thrift shops nowadays? The economy is so far in the toilet (thanks Mr. President) that you gotta save money somehow.

Favorite channel: Fox News-it really is a shining example of unbiased journalism which is sorely lacking in today's society.

Favorite movie to watch when home alone: Barbie's "The Princess and the Pauper." It's genderbending take on the Mark Twain story and the music is really well written. Plus, one of the main characters reminds me of my lovely girlfriend.

So there you have it. Hope this has helped give you a better glimpse into the mystery that is me.........Until next time..........

And now for something utterly deedamnlicious...

Are there really things in this world as great and delicious as a really good hamburger? I have to wonder...
While I'm sure there are some better things out there somewhere, I, like many other fat, meat loving Americans enjoy a bigass chunk of meat on a soft and sexy bun. Hmm... using the words "sexy buns" might get me some more views on this thing.
Anyway, from time to time I like to go in search of new burgers, whether in restaurants or to find recipes for on the internet to recreate at home. For this particular post I'm doing both. Say hello to the Fetaburger, made popular and delicious by that delicious and in many ways awesome Greek restaurant in Birmingham, Nabeel's (link below). I've been a fan of Nabeel's for many years and when I lived in Birmingham went there to eat at least once a month. They have many epic Greek dishes but the Fetaburger stole my cholesterol clogged heart long ago. Here's a pic from the restaurant I found on Urbanspoon:

This succulent looking bigass burger is no mere delicious burger. It's stuffed with feta cheese and a variety of spices. Those fries on the plate are really damn good as well. I think they actually cut them at the restaurant and season them with a blend of Greek spices. It's also served with Taziki sauce which my girlfriend has made for me before, but I didn't have time to get any made and also I kind of forgot but we will press on anyway.
Now that I live 200 miles away from Birmingham I can't exactly drop everything and drive three hours to have dinner. I've been craving one of these delicious burgers for a while now so the thought came to me to try and make one myself. I'm pretty good in the kitchen... but how am I gonna figure out what goes into this whole shebang?
Lord praise the internet. There's a YouTube video of the owner of the restaurant and his chef making them on a local news show. I tried to embed it here but Blogger wouldn't let me for some reason so I'll just put a link to it at the end of this post. Here's the recipe:

2lbs. of delicious beef
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup oregano
1/4 cup garlic powder
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 cup bread crumbs
Salt & pepper
6 oz. of feta cheese
The recipe also called for tomatoes and onions, which I left out because I'm not a big fan of either, and also for a special Greek cheese to melt on top like a traditional cheeseburger. I couldn't find it anywhere around here and didn't want to mess up a delicious burger by putting some provolone or something on there so I left it off.
So here's my ingredients:

Yes, we have a small kitchen, but hey, those dishes are clean. So basically I just mixed everything in with my meat.

Yep. That's a bowl o' meat. I wasn't sure about the bread crumbs. I know some people always add bread crumbs to their burgers but I never have. Since I'm following a recipe (loosely) here, I added them in.

I slapped out some burgers and attempted to slice some feta, but as you can see the feta I have is more for crumbling than for slicing. No worries, though. I used what I considered to be a generous amount.

Then I used some more meat to kinda seal them up. These are some very big burgers. I ended up not even using the entire two pounds of meat and I could only eat a burger and a half (and I can eat, believe me).

Yeah, seriously big burgers. I cooked them over medium-low heat about ten minutes on a side and they came out beautifully. Cooked all the way through, cheese melted, juicy and flavorful.

 I decided to use the Publix French hamburger rolls. They are ridiculously good, fresh, and have that nice chewy texture on the outside and are soft on the inside. Plus the bakery lady was nice enough to let me buy four instead of the usual eight.

They toast very nicely, too. I think a toasted bun adds something to any burger.

Just so y'all could get an idea. I tried to get a better picture than that but I am using a cell phone camera. Maybe I'll get a nice camera one day. I chomped this down with some ketchup and called it a day. The cheese is great, but it's the spices that really make this burger what it is. I'd even use the same spices for a regular burger without the cheese stuffing. So... is mine as good as Nabeel's? Nope. But mine is pretty damn good, and that could be homesickness talking. Overall I'm happy with how they turned out and my girlfriend was, too. This is also a budget friendly recipe considering it makes enough food for four people and costs under $20. And this is good eats, y'all, not Hamburger Helper. I sure do love Hamburger Helper, though.

Here's a link to the website for Nabeel's restaurant in Birmingham, AL. Hopefully I'll be up there to see y'all soon.
Here's a link to that YouTube video I told y'all about. It's only four minutes and definitely worth watching.

On the topic of snacks...

I'm a big fan of these. Buffalo wing Pringles have been around in some form or another for a few years or more now and I've liked them for a while. Now they claim to be XTRA tangy, and while they are tangy, they are also fucking delicious. I tried the Frank's Red Hot Pringles that came out fairly recently also and didn't like them nearly as much, but these are just... so good. So I'm at the store today and I see these...

I had a George Takei style "Oh myyyyy" moment and thought these sounded pretty damn good. I'm eating these as I type this right now and they go awesome with a cheapass beer, which I am also drinking as I type this. Just... so good. Too bad these are a limited edition chip. Companies these days think they can just McRib anything.

Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck

I've been a big fan of Steinbeck's writing for a long time, since reading The Grapes of Wrath in high school. This was one of the few books of his that I hadn't read so I thought I'd check it out. According to Wikipedia, this book was Steinbeck's first critical and financial literary success.

Tortilla Flat tells the story of the "paisanos," a group of jobless by choice Spanish-Indian-Mexican-white friends who live in Monterrey, California. The book takes place as some of the main characters come home from World War I, so that puts the year at 1918. One of the main characters, Danny, has just learned that he has inherited two houses from his uncle in Tortilla Flat, a shabby neighborhood just outside of Monterrey. While many would think of the benefits that come with owning two houses, Danny considers it a "burden of ownership" but decides to live in one of the houses while he rents the other one to his friend Pilon for fifteen dollars a month. No rent ever gets paid, though, because that's the type of friendship and world view the paisanos have. Pilon invites some of his friends who are homeless to come live with him in his house, which eventually gets burned down by an unattended prayer candle. Everyone ends up moving in to Danny's house and Danny for the most part accepts them into his home willfully as long as they don't try to sleep in his bed, even the pirate with five dogs. Yes, I said pirate with five dogs.

Of course there's a lot more to the story than that, but I'm not going to give it away. It does have somewhat more humor than most of Steinbeck's other books as it was intended to cheer people up during the time of the Great Depression. The story does follow a certain pattern that many other Steinbeck novels follow, however, in a "series of unfortunate events" kind of way. Some literary critics have compared the paisanos to King Arthur's knights, which is very interesting and you can find a lot of information about that particular topic online already so I'm not going to recount it here. It would also give away too much of the story...

So, did I like the book? Yes. Is it Steinbeck's best book? No. I'll call this one a slightly lesser known classic with an overall grade of B. With its short length (about 175 pages) and to read some of the paisanos' reasoning with the others why they should buy wine instead of food or other necessary items this book is definitely worth a read.

World War Z

So I finally got around to seeing World War Z. I've been wanting to see it for a long time despite the lackluster reviews ever since I heard they were making this beautiful book by Max Brooks (Mel's son) into a movie years ago. I loved the book with a passion as I'm a fan of many things zombie related and I remember feeling a pang of anger to know that they had taken Max's premise and title and turned it into a film that had very little whatsoever to do with his book. Damn you, movie studios.

For those of you that haven't read the book, not only is it one of my favorite reads period, it's presented to the reader as an oral history of the zombie war. Meaning that the war is over, and the people the author interviews are fellow survivors who were, to use a military term, "in the shit." The book tells the stories of these survivors as they tell it themselves, with viewpoints ranging from high ranking military officers and special forces soldiers to regular everyday people to children.

The movie is nothing fucking like that.

The zombies do pile themselves on top of one another in the book like on the movie poster, but that's about where the similarities end. Okay, I'm going to stop bitching about how the movie's not like the book since you can read about that on a million different websites.

My only other gripe is that the movie is rated PG-13. Are you fucking kidding me? A PG-13 zombie movie. I actually didn't know it was PG-13 until the day I went to see it, and I might have Pirate Bay'd this one had I known that, rather than paying $8 to see it at the movie theater. And that was a matinee ticket.

When I watch a zombie movie, I expect to see a list of things that I have prepared below:

1. LOTS of blood and gore.
2. People getting eaten.
3. Someone will kill his or herself, or have someone kill them after they become infected, and not do it off camera like a bitch. *SPOILER ALERT* The guy who kills himself is a Navy SEAL, I think he's enough of a badass to do it in front of us.
4. A boob or two couldn't hurt, as in the later George Romero films.
5. *SEMI SPOILER ALERT* I don't like storybook endings for zombie films. The exception is 28 Days Later, and while it is a good ending, it's not exactly what I would call storybook.
6. Grotesque, maybe even pointless violence that looks somewhat fake and maybe even laughable.

On all of these points World War Z disappoints. Most of the killing, violence, and zombie transformations are done off camera. When I think zombie film, I think Day of the Dead. Or 28 Days Later. Both of these have all of these, though I don't think there's any boobs in 28. That being said, they should have titled this film "Brad Pitt in a Zombie Movie" and left it at that. By itself, I'd probably give the movie a C. With the expectations added in and the disappointment factor, I'm dropping it to a D. The story of the movie kept me interested, though I felt it was drawn out. It was a two hour movie that could have been done better in an hour and a half. An okay (but nothing special) movie by itself, but in no way worthy of being named after the book.

The Purge

 

 

In case there was any doubt, I really love movies and am a frequent movie watcher when I have time. I also tend to enjoy a genre of movies I like to think of as "bad movies." When I see a preview for something that just looks like it could be so bad it's good, that's the type of movie I want to watch. The Purge looked like it would fit the bill. I think I saw the preview for this movie when we went to see The Great Gatsby at the theater, but my lovely girlfriend may correct me on that.

Anyway, the basic premise of the movie is that in a future dystopian America, 2022 to be exact, the US government has organized a 12 hour period once a year where all crime (including murder, theft, rape, embezzlement, jaywalking) is completely legal and no emergency services are available. Why would they do this, you ask? Well, it gets rid of, shall we say, social undesirables, leaving the New USA with an unemployment rate of 1% and a booming economy.

Ignoring the obvious reasons why this could never happen, something I can't help but think about is the movie takes place nine years from now. Ethan Hawke's character and his wife are both in their forties if not older, yet they completely accept that the purge occurs and so does everyone else for that matter. The only mention of people against the purge is that they get killed on a regular basis. That means that within the past few years they have completely adapted to this new way of life and even indulge in it, as Hawke's character sells home security systems for a living and even remarks that while a few years ago they were barely making rent, while now they are looking at buying a boat.

So let's ignore all that. Let's not pick it apart and just accept it for what it is. I'm not going to give away any of the story suffice to say that shit goes horribly awry. Otherwise you'd have a fairly boring movie. So is it a good, bad movie?

It's okay. I'd rate it somewhere in the middle. IMDB is currently rating this at about a 5/10 and I think that rating is a fair one. I really like the premise of this movie and that's why I watched it even though I had heard it wasn't great. But that's never stopped me from watching a movie before.

 

 

Yep.







Random Nonsense #1

Here's what it would look like if Iggy Pop and Peaches were survivors in a zombie apocalypse:

Yep. It's a real video. And a real song.